Natasha moved and went to the kitchen. She loved him so much . Coming back she heard him talking and sighed a little. “He loves you so much…” She said and moved go liked James.
"Just look we then and how happy they are."
He only took his eyes off of Yasha for a moment as she walked in. He felt terrible, but watching his son made him forget that for at least a moment. “I’ve never loved anything more than I love him”, he turned to look at Natasha. “Or you”. He made to kiss her on the lips, but went for her cheek at the last minute. “You probably don’t want to kiss me until after I don’t taste like vomit and whisky… I’m assuming”.
Natasha helped James into the bed and then sighed a little before putting Yasha on his lap. She kissed James’s head again and then smiled at her son. “You take care of daddy. You hear?” She said. He giggled and curled into James’s chest closing his eyes.
Natasha looked at James. “I’m glad I met him.” She whispered. “And I’m glad that you came back to me… I love you.” She said then moved from the room.
James let was half sitting half laying in bed with his head leaning against the headboard, tilted to look at Yasha. “I’m glad I did too. I-I never want to go there again”, he said referring to the dark place in his head. “I… I almost… ” He looked up at Natasha then back down when he felt tears in his eyes. He smiled while looking down at Yasha. “Go. Make toast. We can talk about this after”. He kept the smile on his face until she left the room.
"I’m sorry Yasha. Daddy’s going to make sure you never have to feel like that. Ever", he settled further into the bed as Yasha cooed at him and played with his shirt.
"Calm?" She asked and watched James. "Because this isn’t your fault. I mean yes drinking was stupid, but I know you love me and that’s all that matters." She said and then went and took yasha. "You just threw up. Let me carry him and you can hold him once you are feeling comfortable." She said.
"Sam brought you home. We talked for a little bit." She said. "He’s nice."
He frowned a little as she took Yasha from him. He knew she was right, it’d be safer for Yasha if he let his stomach settle and his headache die down before holding him, but it still made his heart sink a little. He tried to let that feeling burn into his head so it would be there the next time he thought about drinking.
He smiled when she mentioned Sam. “Yeah. He’s been helping through a lot these last few months… I’m glad you met him… wish it was different circumstance though”.
"I had to ask my neighbor how to use them," Steve replied with a little smile. "And I know I don’t have to, Buck, I get it. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna make you walk around in these same clothes all the time. I have more money than I know what to do with, since I’ve got the last 70 years of military backpay, so I’m gonna buy you some clothes. Okay?”
"Well, that makes me feel a little better". He let out a huge sigh. "I hate having to lean on you so much, especially for things so simple. I’ve spent the last 50 years in pretty much the same clothes, a few more weeks in a significantly more comfortable outfit won’t kill me Steve… 70 years of backpay? Damn. That whole "killed in action" thing really screwed me, didn’t it?"
"If you walk out that door I might actually kill you." She said looking at him. "You come lay down with yasha. I’ll make you some toast. We can stay in bed all day and just cuddle as a family. Read some books or something." She said smiling kissing his cheek.
"I love you." She said then went to the kitchen.
He gave her a crooked smile. “Why-Why are you being so… “, he couldn’t find the right words to finish his sentence. He slid off the couch and onto the floor next to Yasha. He played with his foot for a moment before picking him up. “Come on. Lets go lie down. Daddy needs it”, he said softly to his son.
Steve cackled at that. “Jerk,” he called, grin warm. “Test your luck like that and I may make you figure out the machines on your own, and then who knows what’ll happen.” He was just teasing, though; he went over to the machines and when Bucky brought his clothes over, he added detergent to the machine and showed him which knobs to turn and pull and press. “There you go. Feel welcome to use it whenever you want. We can go shopping and get you more clothes, too, if you want to do that later today.” He hesitated. “Er, or I can go, if you’d rather not go out in public. I understand either way.”
He watched Steve mess around with machine intently. “The weapons I know how to use, but a washer and dryer? Complete mystery”. He leaned up against the wall as Steve talked. “I-uh… Yeah I don’t know if that would be good quite yet… Being around that many civilians”, he kicked at the floor and shifted his weight uncomfortably. “You don’t have to buy me clothes though, really. You’ve done enough-too much, already”.
Natasha was up with yasha. She heard his noises and took a glass of water into the bedroom and put it on James’s nightstand along with a cup of coffee. Kissing the top of his head she went back into the living room and played with yasha while he rolled around on the floor.
He heard Natasha walk in, but he couldn’t look at her, not yet. She placed a kiss on his head and the guilt immediately sank in. He shut his eyes tighter and tried to not focus on it. Right now he just had to try not to puke.
After a few more minutes he managed to sit up and drink some water. His stomach turning he went into the bathroom and puked. He groaned and rested his elbow, holding his head in his hand.
When he came back out he grabbed the coffee from the nightstand and went to find Natasha. He saw Yasha first, playing on the floor. He smiled and said, “Morning little man”. He turned his attention back to Natasha. “You probably don’t want to hear it, I know, but I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking… If-if you want me to leave, I understand”.
Natasha nodded and smiled a little at him. “Really thank you .” She said kissing his cheek lightly before going back to the bedroom. Sam let himself out. Natasha moved and crawled into bed by James. “Come back to me…” She said laying her head on his chest.
He woke up with a blinding headache. His whole body ached and he wasn’t quite sure how he got home. He tried to get out of bed, the throbbing pain behind his eyes quickly changed that plan. He let out a small moan as he felt his stomach turn. He rolled onto his side and curled up into a ball.
"Well, I doubt you got better at cooking", he laughed. "Unless that was one of those perks of the serum".
He finished his coffee and stood up to get another cup. “Can I wash my clothes? I really only have the one outfit and I’d rather not walk around in your giant clothes all day”.
Steve grinned. “You’re probably right,” he replied, shrugging. “I’m glad you’re enjoying the food, anyway. Giant? You callin’ me fat?” He laughed and shook his head. “Sure, the washer and dryer are in that closet.” He pointed to the closet in the hallway. “You need help usin’ ‘em?” Steve had after he woke up; appliances had changed a lot in the years since he’d been frozen.
"Yeah, probably", he laughed as he shook his head. "Everything either has 87 buttons or none at all".
He quickly finished his coffee and went to grab his clothes from the room Steve was letting him stay in. “Oh, and I was totally calling you fat”, he called to Steve from the other room.
"I found out I’m pregnant again . I found out today. Peggy and I went to the doctor." She looked down. "I was so excited to tell him." She looked back at the bedroom and then to Sam. "Thank you for doing this for him. I’m glad I know where he goes on these late nights. I’m glad he is talking to someone who cares."
Sam sat back a little. “Wow. Congratulations. I know James will be ecstatic. He does love being a father, you know”. He waved his hand in front of his face, brushing off her thanks. “It’s no problem, really. Any time I can help another soldier I’m happy to do it. As big of an idiot he can be”, he joked. Sam stood up and put his hand on Natasha’s shoulder. “You’re going to make it through this. He’s gunna be alright. All four of you are”.