A certain stress had been taken off her shoulders. “Maybe we’ll actually get a full night’s sleep,” she mumbled as they stepped into the car.
Now the morning, few faces were spotted around her aunt’s apartment. “We need to be careful…SHIELD probably knows we’re in Italy…do you want to drive?” she asked suddenly, turning to him. They’d still have to wire a car, but it looked fast and rather new.
He nodded his head as he walked up to not necessarily the flashiest car, but the one that could drive the fastest. If they were going to try to make it at least out of Italy in this one vehicle, it had to be able to handle well. He broke the lock and climbed into the driver’s seat, disabling the alarm and hot wiring it in one quick motion.
He smiled as Natalia gracefully climbed into the car. No matter how over their heads they were, he always had a moment to appreciate her beauty. “Lets get the fuck out of here”. He put his hand on her thigh as he pulled out onto the road. Looking at her aunt’s house disappearing in the rear view mirror, a knot formed in his throat. Some part of him was going to miss Annabel, miss holding her, miss watching Natalia interact with her…
Steve grinned. “Nine seasons. About two hundred episodes. It can be and is that long.” He laughed at Bucky’s face when Older Ted said, “And kids, that is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin.”
"What? Aunt? No way… I’m calling bullshit", he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes at the television screen.
They watched a few more episodes before he started to get restless. He wasn’t used to being in one spot for too long, and doing so right now just felt so unnatural… whether that was unnatural to the Winter Soldier or James, he wasn’t 100% sure, but he needed to get out. “Do you think we can get outta here for a bit? I just really need the air”.
Natasha looked at him then sighed. She sat up and moved yasha to his swing before going back to James. She kissed her husband deeply then crawled into his lap. “I wish I could make it all be easier.” She muttered. She stayed close to him as yasha giggled.
She didn’t want to upset James, but she did. “I love you…”
He kissed her back and let his head rest back on the couch. Rubbing her hip slightly with his thumb he sighed. “You do make it easier, Natasha. You have no idea…no idea how much harder this would be… where I would be”.
He looked past his wife and at Yasha, giggling in his swing. He had two amazing people in his life, two people that loved him, but he still couldn’t stop falling into these moods. He didn’t know it he’d ever be able to.
She remained where she stood as he pushed past her. Nat whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself as he looked about ready to walk out on her.
"What are you doing?" she asked gently, moving into the room, but scared to ask anything else.
She suddenly feared that he would leave; what would she do if he did leave Whimpering again, she leaned up against the post of the door.
"I love you."
He turned around to face her. “I love you too, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t take the fighting, the jealousy… I hate who I am when we get like this”. He held the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I don’t know, Natalia. What are we doing?”
He closed his eyes, he couldn’t look at her without getting this awful feeling in his gut. He wanted to grab her and kiss her, wanted to shake her and yell, wanted to pack his things and leave, to take that box out of his pocket again… but he did none of those things, he just stood there.
Natasha listened to him talk then paused. She felt sick then. That pain he was going through and no one was there. She kissed his cheek before moving. She picked up yasha. Natasha laid her head in James lap the. Laid yasha on her chest. He giggled.
Nat looked at her husband. “I just… I want something normal… And happy.” They were happy, but it all just didn’t seem the same.
He ran his fingers through her long hair, trying to distract himself from his own thoughts. “I’m sorry this hasn’t been normal, and not always happy…” He rested his head on the back of the sofa so he didn’t have to look at her. “Don’t worry about me. I don’t need anyone there”, he tried to brush off the hurt in his voice. “Just you”.
Natasha leaned back as she though of it. She didn’t know what to think. He was right though. All her family was in Russia and his family was gone. Natasha looked at yasha then and smiled. “Peggy. A few people I was close to in the army. Those nurses. Jamie, Cassie, Alex. They were there for me and we became close when you were gone.”
"What about friends of yours? Anyone? I know you have friend mr barnes." She said kissing him.
He moved Yasha from his lap, to between him and Natasha, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “All my friends are dead or think I’m so mentally unstable they can’t even talk to me”. He regretted what he said as he was saying it, but couldn’t stop. It was the truth, and Natasha had told him not to shut her out anymore. “There’s Sam, and that’s pretty much it”.
"No, but I want another little boy." She said looking at her husband then. Natasha smiled at him before kissing him again. "I do want to do something though. Peggy and I have been talking about it. But I needed to ask you." She said.
"Do you wanna get married again? I mean like a real wedding?" She asked before touching his cheek.
He smiled at her before answering. “I do”, he said dramatically, pretending as if she was proposing to him. Getting more serious he took her hand. “I would love to finally give you something nice, something you deserve”.
"When do you want to do it? I keep getting you pregnant", he laughed. "I’m ruining your chance at wearing a pretty white dress… Who would we even invite? The two of us have no family and not even a handful of friends".
"This little one is okay. It kept me up for a little bit last night. I didn’t feel good for a little bit. I think I ate something the baby didn’t like.” She shrugged then touched her stomach. “I can’t wait till I get bigger.” She smiled then looked at James.
"I loved it when you talked and Yasha kicked." She said going over to kiss Yasha’s head. She went and sat down.
"Remember that when you start complaining about how fat you are", he teased pointing the mostly empty bottle Yasha had finished at her. "I, personally, think you look gorgeous pregnant". He set the bottle down on the counter and threw a dishcloth over his shoulder before burping Yasha.
He plopped down on the couch next to Natasha and kissed her, setting Yasha in his lap. “Do you have a feeling about this one yet?”
Natasha listened to them and laughed a little before moving to get the pump and a few bottles. “I’m going to pump more. I need to start getting more sleep.” She said taking it and going back into the bedroom. She pumped as much as she could befpre come back out with about five bottle full. She moved putting four of them in the fridge. “Here you wanna feed him. He’s gonna need something in his system.”
Natasha moved to James and handed him a bottle.
He continued to play with Yasha until she came back with the bottles. “Yeah, of course”, he said grabbing the one in her hand. He didn’t mind staying up with Yasha when she needed to sleep, he was used to not sleeping and being pregnant with a little one in the house was going to be difficult for Natasha. If he could make it easier in any way, he’d be glad to do it.
He began to feed Yasha while still standing, holding him in one arm and the bottle with the other. “How’s our other little one?”, he asked nodding towards her stomach.
"You wanna know what this is?" She said touching his chest where his heart was. “This is real. This is very real.” She smiled at him then kissed him lightly. “And yes I did sleep well honey. I love you. Thanks for staying up with him. When was the last time that he ate?” She asked before moving from him to go into the kitchen.
He gave her a sad smile as her hand warmed the spot above his heart in more than one way. He put his hand over her’s and kissed her forehead.
"There was still some pumped milk from Peggy’s, so I gave him that… that was still before I went to bed though". He held Yasha up in the air over his head as Natasha walked to the kitchen. "I wonder how tall you’re going to be? This tall?" He lowered him so he was a few inches higher than his own head. "This tall?" He lowered him again, "This tall?" James smiled as Yasha broke out into wild laughter.